This weekend my wife and I are putting the final touches on the house before we travel to Oregon to meet our new adopted son. We have never met before, and have not been allowed to talk to him via phone or Skype, which seems unusual. All he knows about us is what the social workers have talked to him about with a photo album we sent. We were hoping to visit him twice before, but have been put off both times, probably for the best to eliminate any confusion on his part. We have only two roughly taken photos of him, so we should recognize him when we see him.
My wife and I are anxious, but also nervous to meet him. We don’t know how the introduction process will work or if the foster parents will be supportive or not with us meeting him. We are the outcasts trying to meet our son for the first time and have been stalled at every turn. I will be relieved when this process is over. We have many friends and family members praying and encouraging us through the process and the finish line is just a few days away. My wife and I want to make the transition for him as easy as possible, but we really desire to take him home next week right after a few visits. We are planning on creating a photo album of the journey with different landmarks, so he can see the places we will drive by on the way home and reassure him of our destination, his new and forever home.
The toughest part of this journey has been finalizing the paper work. We, us and our social worker in Idaho, received documents to sign and we sent them back very quickly to be told they are sitting on a desk in Oregon waiting for a state worker to finalize them after a month. If it is not finalized before we meet our son, we will have to leave him in Oregon, return home, and return for him when the papers are finalized. Our son’s social worker is trying to push the paperwork through, but other departments are holding it up. Hopefully, it will be processed before Wednesday next week.
We have some awesome plans this summer. Our Church held a shower for us a couple of weeks ago and stocked our son with all the necessities a young boy needs; he has clothes, games, many types of Legos, and even a bicycle. Our son doesn’t know how to ride a bike yet, but he has one ready for him with a helmet and a dad who is taking the summer off to teach him. We also want to enroll him into swim lessons and when he is confident take him out on our sail boat, but we won’t rush it. We also have chores on the acreage that need to be done such as gathering firewood, but we plan to quit during the heat of the day and play educational games or work on learning activity books. In the evening, we would like to play some family fun games with him, like Uno and Sorry. Krista’s Mom is creating a library for him, so we can read to him or him to us before bedtime.
I know there will be a tough adjustment for our son; he has grown attached to his foster family and they have to him as well, but we plan to stick with a daily routine and a rigid to loose schedule to help him to adjust and begin to trust us. He will know we are consistent, caring adults who love him too. I just hope everyone in his circle helps support the transition, if not, it could be pretty traumatic for him, but we will give him grace and comfort though his transition.
Many people have told me there is a honey-moon period of 3-6 months in which the child will begin to show his or her true nature or to test boundaries to see if you are sincere in keeping them. We are prepared for this, but I am also prepared for the opposite to occur in which the honey-moon period never ends. Incredibly, most people I talk to think I am foolish for saying and thinking this. When I married my wife twenty-one years ago this July, I was told the same thing. “Oh you are newly weds. Enjoy this time of your marriage, the honey-moon doesn’t last long.” Twenty-one years and I am still on that honey-moon with my wife. Sure the jobs, the house, the responsibility has always been there, but my friendship and love has grown more deeply over time. We have weathered adversity together and I give credit to our love of God for getting us through some tough times. I also love my wife more than myself. I want to give to her what she needs and my own interest and pleasures come after hers. She has the same feelings toward me, and that is why the honey-moon has lasted continuously.
When we meet our son for the first time, he will eventually learn by our actions that my wife and I love him as an extension of ourselves. His needs will be put before ours, and hopefully one day when he marries, he will have learned to put his spouses’ needs before his and the cycle of love will continue and his honey-moon will never have to end as well.