Our new son is coming home?

This weekend my wife and I are putting the final touches on the house before we travel to Oregon to meet our new adopted son. We have never met before, and have not been allowed to talk to him via phone or Skype, which seems unusual.  All he knows about us is what the social workers have talked to him about with a photo album we sent.  We were hoping to visit him twice before, but have been put off both times, probably for the best to eliminate any confusion on his part.  We have only two roughly taken photos of him, so we should recognize him when we see him.

Sun setting over home.  The symbolic end of one chapter in our lives for the beginning of another.

Sun setting over home. The symbolic end of one chapter in our lives for the beginning of another.

My wife and I are anxious, but also nervous to meet him.  We don’t know how the introduction process will work or if the foster parents will be supportive or not with us meeting him.  We are the outcasts trying to meet our son for the first time and have been stalled at every turn.  I will be relieved when this process is over.  We have many friends and family members praying and encouraging us through the process and the finish line is just a few days away.  My wife and I want to make the transition for him as easy as possible, but we really desire to take him home next week right after a few visits.  We are planning on creating a photo album of the journey with different landmarks, so he can see the places we will drive by on the way home and reassure him of our destination, his new and forever home.

The toughest part of this journey has been finalizing the paper work.  We, us and our social worker in Idaho, received documents to sign and we sent them back very quickly to be told they are sitting on a desk in Oregon waiting for a state worker to finalize them after a month.  If it is not finalized before we meet our son, we will have to leave him in Oregon, return home, and return for him when the papers are finalized.  Our son’s social worker is trying to push the paperwork through, but other departments are holding it up.  Hopefully, it will be processed before Wednesday next week.

We have some awesome plans this summer.  Our Church held a shower for us a couple of weeks ago and stocked our son with all the necessities a young boy needs; he has clothes, games, many types of Legos, and even a bicycle.  Our son doesn’t know how to ride a bike yet, but he has one ready for him with a helmet and a dad who is taking the summer off to teach him.  We also want to enroll him into swim lessons and when he is confident take him out on our sail boat, but we won’t rush it.  We also have chores on the acreage that need to be done such as gathering firewood, but we plan to quit during the heat of the day and play educational games or work on learning activity books.  In the evening, we would like to play some family fun games with him, like Uno and Sorry.  Krista’s Mom is creating a library for him, so we can read to him or him to us before bedtime.

I know there will be a tough adjustment for our son; he has grown attached to his foster family and they have to him as well, but we plan to stick with a daily routine and a rigid to loose schedule to help him to adjust and begin to trust us. He will know we are consistent, caring adults who love him too.  I just hope everyone in his circle helps support the transition, if not, it could be pretty traumatic for him, but we will give him grace and comfort though his transition.

Wading at Maiden Rock on Lake Pend Oreille. Soon another set of feet will be here.

Wading at Maiden Rock on Lake Pend Oreille. Soon another set of feet will be here.

Many people have told me there is a honey-moon period of 3-6 months in which the child will begin to show his or her true nature or to test boundaries to see if you are sincere in keeping them.  We are prepared for this, but I am also prepared for the opposite to occur in which the honey-moon period never ends.  Incredibly, most people I talk to think I am foolish for saying and thinking this.  When I married my wife twenty-one years ago this July, I was told the same thing.  “Oh you are newly weds. Enjoy this time of your marriage, the honey-moon doesn’t last long.”  Twenty-one years and I am still on that honey-moon with my wife.  Sure the jobs, the house, the responsibility has always been there, but my friendship and love has grown more deeply over time.  We have weathered adversity together and I give credit to our love of God for getting us through some tough times.  I also love my wife more than myself.  I want to give to her what she needs and my own interest and pleasures come after hers.  She has the same feelings toward me, and that is why the honey-moon has lasted continuously.

When we meet our son for the first time, he will eventually learn by our actions that my wife and I love him as an extension of ourselves.  His needs will be put before ours, and hopefully one day when he marries, he will have learned to put his spouses’ needs before his and the cycle of love will continue and his honey-moon will never have to end as well.

8 thoughts on “Our new son is coming home?

  1. Congratulations, Krista and Mark. You’ve done your mental and emotional homework, and are going into this well prepared. I wish you all the best. Frustrating that paperwork is being held up by incompetence and laziness. My sister and brother-in-law adopted a mixed race newborn almost 2 years ago. Their challenges are different than yours, but boy oh boy, do they love their little girl. Cultural sensitivity will be part of their challenge.

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  2. I can’t begin to tell you both how excited I am for you, and your son. I know the love you both share will resonate through you directly to him. How old is he? And where in Oregon is he? I pray along with you that all the paper work, and his foster family, will all go smoothly. You will make “Awesome parent’s”, and he is so lucky to have yet another “Permanent Family” that will love him Forever and Unconditionally. I can’t wait to see pictures of all of you together.
    Love, Hug’s, and Prayer’s to you all.
    Aunt Patty-Dawn and Bruce ❤

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  3. Thank you for filling us in. YOU are both in my thoughts and prayers. God will go before you and is there already. YOU will feel his presence. Praying for the paperwork and that your son will sense your true care and you won’t have to waste much time in your getting to know and trust phase. He is ONE blessed little boy!! A fun book to read, by Roald Dahl, _Danny the Champion of the World— LOVE this book, it’s about a wonderful dad and how much he loves his son. A bit Roald Dahl – crazy, but one of my all time favorite kid books. Read it aloud close to a dozen times to my 3rd grade classes. THEY LOVED it!!!
    Love Cousin Denise 🙂

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  4. We adopted our youngest 2 years ago and the honeymoon is still going strong! Blessings to you! I will be praying for a smooth transition and complete bonding. It’s the hardest and best thing you will ever do. Give my love to Krista.

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